Well, it's New Year's Eve at long last. I don't know about you, but this has been one long ass year.
True, there have been some highlights - a trip to Washington DC for the Inauguration,a trip to San Francisco and the GayVNs in March with my best friend Matt, a Pride week debauch that will live on (and on) in my memory, a faaabulous weekend in Montreal in mid August, MCing at Secrets in DC for the Matthew Rush show in October, reaching the 100k mark at Porno Bingo in November and seeing some really terrific shows - The Royal Family on Broadway, Lady Gaga in Montreal, Meow Meow at Joe's Pub during the holidays, the movie UP and Mad Men (the third season finale was the best ep yet). I started an intense love affair with One Life to Live and GLEE and although they both disappoint at times, their 'highs' are worth the moments of failure.
On the down side, it was the year where I lost my survival job (after being threatened with layoffs for over a year and watching as over a hundred of my co-workers leave before me), where my computer finally died and one of my favorite roommates of all time moved out and a less-favorite one moved in (who is now also moving out).
But because I was underemployed, I was able to spend more time than I had previously on this blog and was able to pay more attention to Bingo than I had before (and thanks to Eric Leven, QueerMeNow and Andy Towleroad for picking up stories I've posted throughout the year, you're the best!). It was also a time of renewal - I was introduced to stars Sam Colt, Bryan Slater, Colin Steele, Matthew Ford, Race Cooper and Max Sinclair and to the Gingerheadman website as well as to the cool East Village Boys website .
My old friend Michael Brandon (and partner in crime with his Inappropriate Behavior parties a regular part of the Bad Boys Pool Party weekends) returned from 'out there' and I'm very much looking forward to seeing him when he visits New York and Porno Bingo on Wednesday January 13th. It's the year I met Jack Mackenroth (yum) and Ilene Kristin (one of my favorite soap stars!) and spent time with new friends Evan, Chris and Paul and Damon so while much else went awry, I can take heart in that which went well. Of course our Bingo team, AB and Amanda, made the year go smoothly (although it was sad to say goodbye to our former team member, "Princess").
In fact, writing this list makes me realize how much has gone well this year and how grateful I am for what I have. On top of it all, I have a pretty amazing boyfriend who comes to Bingo pretty often and hears my patter over and over again and still laughs - and if that ain't love, I don't know what is. :)
Now, about that virgin, well, tonight the Bana Pool Party is looking for 'someone who looks good in a white robe" to portray a virgin as part of their (hopefully pretend) pagan sacrifice ritual. You can write to the organizers at info@hotsteammachine dot com if interested You can find out more about the party by going to the Bana Pool Party website.
There are about a million events going on all over the place in the city tonight but I hope that whatever you do, wherever you end up, you're safe and having the time of your life. Because you can choose to look at your life as the glass half full or glass half empty. If there's any New Year's resoution that I'm making, it's to get out of my head a little more and see the pluses less than the minuses (and let me tell you, nothing helps me do that more than writing a daily blog - see above.. when I started I thought this entry would be all about 'what a crappy year, glad it's over' but it's turned into "wow, there were some amazing things that happened this year, what was I thinking??")
Just yesterday I was out in Queens after taping an interview with my friends JC and Jonathan who run the "Talking About.." cable show. There I was on the platform waiting for the train. The clock ticked to the time was supposed to appear and it was no where in sight although the track did curve around to the right and out of sight. I looked and looked and waited for it to show up. I then looked down and thought "it'll get here when it gets here and there's no reason to stress myself out' so I let it go and when I looked up the train was barreling through the station - right on time.
The moral of the story? Sometimes you can't see when your train has arrived until it's almost on top of you. It doesn't mean that it's not on it's way, just that you have to trust that it's there.
So with that, I bid you all the best for the close of what's left of 2009 and heartily encourage you all to start 2010 with a great attitude, a positive glass half full perspective because the train's a coming and you don't want to miss it. :)
- Will Clark December 31st, 2009
I'm just waking up out of my post-holiday stupor; a holiday that was filled with parties, libations, house guests, relatives, dinners and shows. My boyfriend and I have, in short order, become sort of regulars at Joe's Pub after seeing Meow Meow, Our Lady J and Sandra Bernhard all in the space of a couple weeks. I love the space, the food isn't anything to write about (small portions and somewhat bland) but you can't have everything.
And now, it's 2010. What are you going to do about it?
I mean, you spent all of 2009 saying that you were going to write that great play. You said all throughout the past twelve months that there was a book in you if only you had the time to write it. I heard you say that you wished you didn't have the gut, could get a better body, could stop (or lessen your) smoking. I know you want to call those relatives - the ones that hate you for being a big fag - and I know you want to be a bigger person than they are and unfortunately it depends on you, yes you to take the higher road, have the patience, become the adult and parent them in the way to treat you better/as an equal. All of that and much more. I have heard it.
So what's stopping you?
You now have 364 golden opportunities to do accomplish pretty much anything you set out to do. Want to become a porn star? It's not that hard. There's the gym, here's a camera, let's send the picture in. Want to go back to college and learn about a new career? You're already in debt so what's more if you'll get a better career/life out of it in the long run? You want to meet someone special? Stop being a dick and straighten out your life and you'll meet that great guy or gal that you've been waiting (patiently, impatiently) to meet all your life. If you are a hot mess, that's what you'll attract. It's fun for a couple weeks but honestly, I like to watch my soaps, not live them.
And by hot mess I don't mean an addiction to alcohol and other drugs (although an addiction doesn't help) but I'm talking about the people who value their clothes over your personality and what you may or may not have in your bank account over your ability to make them laugh or to touch you or show you some kindness. I know, I have kooky values.
So what's stopping you from changing your life for the better? Only the impediments that you yourself put in the way and that's got to stop right now. I mean, not later today or next week but right now. Really, exactly at the moment you are reading this stop it. Stop it. STOP IT. You can literally change yourself over night - but you have to want to do it. And you can't just sit around waiting for the universe to 'make it happen' (and by the way, throw THE SECRET into the trash because 'wanting it badly enough' is not enough - or else Hillary Clinton would be President right now.. I'm just sayin). No, you have to go out and put some effort into it. Lonely? Make some friends. Put some effort into it. No one is that great that they can just sit around and wait for people to come to them. No one. If you're hungry, no one is going to feed you, right? So why should career, job, friends, love etc be any different.
But I know the fear can get to you. I know it wakes you up in the middle of the night and chokes the very life out of you. The fear of failure, the fear of success, the fear of loneliness, the fear of dying penniless, the fear of illness and many more.. all real, none of them out of the realm of possibility of happening. But the thing you must remember is that by doing nothing, you're insuring that you're not going to do anything. And that would suck. Big time.
So acknowledge the fear, introduce yourself to it. Imagine it a person or a thing and simply walk up to it and embrace it. It's a constant companion so why not invite it in and serve it a little hot toddy? Strike up a conversation and see what it has to say, and that way you'll get to the root of that fear and maybe be able to figure out how to turn it into a power cell for good. Because that fear you feel is an emotion and that is a source of power. But the fear part of it is just making you miserable... but you do have this power to create this pretty powerful fear. So try transforming it into something good. You fear illness? Ok get information. Power. You are in debt and worry about bankruptcy? OK go to your bank and tell them what your situation is, it's their job to help you figure out solutions. Power. And so on.
You CAN have a fabulous life and it can start right here and right now.... because it's 2010 and anything is possible. The world is an unexplored universe of possibilities - what are you going to do about it?
Posted at 01:21 PM in 2010 Wishes/Resolutions, Commentary, Get a Better Life | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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