Author Perry Brass https://www.perrybrass.com talked writes about valor in the community. Here’s his thoughts:
“Valor is something close to my heart: Valor, and the need for it in the deeper relationships of gay men. When I published How to Survive Your Own Gay Life, in the closing year of the 20th century, I'd already come to believe that we were facing a turning point of values in our own relationships. But, as they say—"You ain't seen nothing yet!"
“We are neck-deep in a Valor Famine right now, and we need to talk about it.
“Frankly, it's not difficult for me to talk about valor and the hunger gay men have for it. It is really what allows us finally to connect, to open ourselves up to the deeper meanings and feelings in our lives, and to love. Valor seems to date back to old Gary Cooper movies, dinner jackets and stiff collars and even stiffer manners and attitudes: a world outside our enforced habits of bland, casual familiarities that leave little room for developing deeper bonds, feelings, and intimacies.
“But, in a nutshell, valor calls for a direct meeting with your own ability to value yourself. How do you recognize it? People answer, “Valor is bravery.” But in truth valor provides the environment in which bravery can take place. Deep within valor is the idea of “control,” controlling your own fears of rejection, of feeling isolated, alone, and foolish, to expand yourself and become the person you want to be, and of course to have love. I have seen all of this work in my own personal life, and want to share the basic soul of valor with you.
“I hope you'll come to Deeper Dating on April 19 from 7 to 10:30 pm, and talk about your own feelings and desires for valor. For a connection with love and the courage to love, and your own brave emotions seeing themselves in a new light.”
I couldn’t have said it better, Perry. If you’re looking for something deeper than a quick tumble in the back of Roseland (nothing wrong with that by the way) and you’re not finding it in all the typical places, maybe you need to uhm try changing where you look. Most of all, I encourage you all to, as author Greg Flood said in his landmark book, “I’m Looking for Mr. Right but I’ll Settle for Mr. Right Away”, become the Mr. Right you’re looking for because you can never leave you, make sure you’re good company for yourself.