So far this Saturday morning I've gotten up and gone to the gym and had breakfast. Not so bad. First, this morning, my friend, photographer Michael Alago posted this on his Rough Gods page a few days ago ... I remember the shoot well - it was March 9th, 2000 at the Standard Hotel in LA... I was breaking up with my then boyfriend Rob, had just gone through a hellish time with the porn industry (about the whole barebacking/awards thing) and was generally just fried and making major life decisions. It seems almost like a different life entirely.
But on to Today. Today is going to be not only a Day of Beauty (waxin, mani/pedi and haircut) but also a Day of Release.
I've decided to release people from my own resentments towards them. It sounds a lot like AA doesn't it but that's not the program I'm on - I'm on a whole 'let things go' program - it's one that doesn't need the prelude of addictive behavior (I mean, yes 'holding on to things' can be addictive too - we all have our 'drugs'). And just because I'm letting go, doesn't mean that they are right and I am wrong (or vice versa).. it just means I'm freeing up my hard drive; emptying my karmic cache.
So, to the photographer who took great pics of me but didn't want me to use them until he 'cleaned' them up, I forgive you. It's been nearly 6 months and I must move on. Thank you for your time.
To the interviewer who took up a couple hours of my time to write an article about me last April vowing to have it in various mags by the summer, but so far, nothing, I forgive you and release you. I wouldn't mind having the tapes as I wouldn't mind transcribing them because I think it was one of my better interviews (although I know not what you expected) but whatever. I release you from having to write the article. Let it go.
And, to the promoter that I really adore, I release you from the committment you made to me. Let me say it again: I release you from that committment. I'd rather have your friendship quite frankly.
And finally, believe it or not, I still hold on to the resentment towards those people in 2000 that ground me down and hurt me bad... and it's time to let that shit go too. So, goodbye to that.
Life is too short to hold on to this crap and now I have a little bit less of it to carry. :)