I have to admit that this is a tough post to write - I try hard to focus on the positive but there was an aspect of this particular night that got me upset - and that was when Vito Gallo, pictured in the ad, canceled at the last minute. Not because he was sick or there was an emergency, but because he'd had enough of the industry and decided to quit at the 11th hour leaving me without any time to book another guest.
Sigh. It's not the first (and while I want it to be the last, I know that it probably won't be) but maybe because my available time for Bingo was so razor thin that I didn't really have time for anything to go wrong. But that is, of course what happens sometimes.
On one hand, this kind of thing makes me batshit crazy/angry and I have been known to not react well (to say the least). When you're producing an event, losing any talent is cause for alarm. Losing it a few hours before the show is really hard. Losing it while you're at work, curating a corporate event and your only optin is to spend a couple furtive hours texting various people (the guys at Lucas, AB my photog) and realizing that you have no options at that point is .. well, there's a point where you're like "well, there's nothing that I can do, fuck it".
I've been reminded over the years by various people in the community that the flaking out is pretty normal in the porn industry, so they know that it's entirely the performer and not me; that I'm not 'baiting and switching' (I did have one performer once, many years ago, who didn't quite understand that I didn't want to just use his picture for the ad, but that I expected him to actually show up... I still don't entirely this way of thinking... but maybe porn performers are so used to being used that they just assume that everyone is trying to screw them over somehow... maybe I'm reaching for an explanation). I've found, in recent years, I'm less likely to book porn stars for exactly this reason.
BUT, on the other hand, I get it. He was tired of the biz and wanted out and quitting wholeheartedly is a typical way that porn performers leave. I think there's a subconscious thing that makes performers burn as many bridges as possible so that they're not tempted to go back. I can't say I'm unfamiliar with this feeling. There were many times - mostly back in the late 90s and early 2000s - where I would fall asleep plotting just how long it would take me to quit everything that I was doing (events, movies, magazine columns, my email address, my website etc). Sometimes, during some of the most stressful moments, it was the only way that I could cope - to know that I could abdicate at any time and it would take, like 45 minutes worth of phone calls and emails. 45 minutes. That's how long I whittled down the estimated time it would take. And I nearly went through with it probably close to a dozen times. But, I didn't. And here I am still today. And I'm completely glad that I am. Still, I understand the feeling and I know what that's like. I just get annoyed when I'm the one getting the phone call! LOL
Anyway, in the end, I wish Vito well and am grateful for all the times that he did show up, give us good show and flash that purty smile at us. I guess he's more than earned that.
So on May 8th my dear friend, Rev. Roger Yolanda Mapes, who had already been booked for the show, was kind enough to take on the burden of being the only performer that evening. And she shone. She shone very brightly and kept me calm and kept the show going - she was a rock keeping me in good humor and cheer despite the lousy way I felt inside. Upset that Vito hadn't come, worried that everyone would think I baited and switched and then, like everyone else, angry that I'd let such a little thing in the scheme of the world eat at me rather than just having a good time. There's probably a lesson in there to learn ... something about glass half full, not being my own worst enemy, forgiveness, letting go, being in the moment, appreciating what I have, blah blah blah LOL :) <wink>
Now, a few words about Yolanda (I cannot keep writing out Rev Roger Yolanda Mapes! LOL), I adore her. If you read the last blog post about Matt Knife, then you can take how much I regard him, and multiply it a few dozen times. His monthly show at the Duplex - Yolanda's Old Time Gosepl Hour - has, yes, a religious edge but it's more than that - it's a one man show, it's a concert, it's a variety show and it's just a lot of good fun with someone with a kickass voice, a joyful spirit and a great story to tell. You can find out details by clicking here. She has a band, a pianist (the very talented Kenneth Gartman) and legions of supporters. You will not be sorry you carved out time to check out her show. And I'm thrilled that she's agreed to appear on Wednesday October 2nd, our first show after the September break. More on this in coming weeks. :)
You can click here for a peek at the pics from the night, the proceeds from which went to benefit Cycle for the Cause! (thanks to AB for taking such great photos!)