The reason that this is titled "The Five Guys I'll Sleep With in Heaven" is because not only are the five guys on my Celebrity Sex list, well, celebrities (and it's not like I have their numbers on speed dial) but I'm fairly sure all of them are straight. As a sort of side note, I once had this discussion with a friend - I maintain that gay celebrities are easier to find/attain/potentially bed than if I was a straight guy going after Amy Schumer or someone like that. Maybe it's because gay men are whores. :) I actually find that a plus although I understand that some folks consider that a bad thing (their loss!).
Anyway, over this past weekend, I came up with a list of celebrities that I am allowed to sleep with even though now I am seeing someone. Yes, this could turn out like Ross meeting Isabella Rossellini (and her not being on his list) but I'll take my chances. And by the way, yes I've been dating someone since early January and the only thing I'm going to really say about him is just that "he's fucking awesome" (but shh don't let him know how crazy I am about him, because I have to protect that subtle mystery of 'yeah, maybe I kind of like you.. uhhh sure" ... but little does he know, he has me wrapped around his hairy finger. And yeah, it's like the end of Moonstruck. My Cher fans/friends will understand the reference).
Anyway, this is just a little fun thing that I thought you all might enjoy - and of course debate - and who's on YOUR list?
Bradley Cooper. I think this one speaks for itself. The man is scruffy, sexy, talented, and those eyes THOSE EYES... not only are they transcendently blue, but they are slightly off kilter... and for some bizarre reason that turns me on. Weird, right? I also imagine him to be good (and super sweaty) in bed. So there's that.
Colin Jost. Yeah, I know. He's young, he looks very vanilla, but he's super smart and has a great point of view on Weekend Update that totally turns me on. Plus I think my dick would look good going into those Millennial lips. And who wouldn't want to see that smile first thing in the morning? And, in my imagination, Colin totally would try getting tied up. So there's that too. (I only have to worry about the potential wrath from Leslie Jones. Leslie, I will wrestle you for that "sexy ass blizzard".. or maybe we can BOTH 'plow (his) ass".)
Tom Hardy. He's everyone's scruffy, smelly (doesn't he look like he has strong body odor?), aggressive fuck fantasy - I don't think this would be a 'love' connection (I'd reserve that for the candy ass Jost who might just make a souffle for dinner... and I'd like it because he made it) but I think it would be the roughest fuck I've ever had in my entire life. Sure, he'd bone me and then go and have a cigarette and might actually not come back. But, I'm also OK with that.
Jon Cena. Oh yeah, man, that body. I'd like to climb on that for a few hours and see what happens. Sure, I know there are reports that he beats his wife but if you can get around that for a fantasy fuck, then this is a solid celebrity hook up.
And finally, there's Packers QB Aaron Rodgers. Have you seen those eyes? And have you heard his voice? And the man is a fucking giant. Fuck yes times 10.
Who are YOUR five?
