Good evening peeps.
I have now offiically kind of fallen into a kind of a slump. For those of you who have lost a loved one, you know what I'm talking about. The white hot intensity of your grief has subsided somewhat and the cards, emails and texts have also slowed down and you are left with a kind of calm, cool, lost feeling as you sit with a new reality.
I'm moving through all of this fairly quickly owing to the fact that, as my mom was under the thumb financially of my brother, and he hated me, my mom and I had drifted far far apart as a way for her to survive. And while I understood it, it hurt nonetheless. But in many ways, I've also had 30 years to deal with the loss (which is when my father died of cancer and my brother took over the family - and promptly snapped it apart as fast and as completely as he could. Yes, just for the record, he is probably a sociopath, but you get to be one if you're the one with the money.)
So to deal, I'm booking Bingo guests and beneficiaries for October and November, looking for places to advertise myself as an Officiant and generally moving forward with my life. You know, twice in the past few weeks, "Phoenix" has come up.
First, a friend who lives in Arizona invited me to visit and I needed the break from the city. Then, out of the blue, circumstances led me to work at The Phoenix in New Orleans for Decadence. I guess it's just a coincidence, but I can also take it as a sign, because why the hell not?
Like the phoenix, I'm coming out of the ashes of the last year which saw many many transitions for me personally and professionally (relationship, new profession, change of venue for Bingo, new roommate), but what does it mean? I guess I'll have to wait to find out.
I have found it's easier to be excited by the possibilities of new stuff than afraid of them (but that's not saying that I'm never not afraid of the new, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't).
So in the meantime, I'm doing a bit of life cleansing - getting rid of electronics that don't work and things that are broken. I've found that when I look around and see things that are broken, I feel broken myself. And that's no way to feel whole.
This week's challenge to you is to A. call your mom or dad if they're still alive and tell 'em you love 'em. If there's problems, know that almost anything broken can be fixed and what can't be fixed (or in the case of my relatives, don't want to be fixed because they don't know they're broken) you have to just let go.
And B. if you're in a slumpety slump slump slump look around your apartment. Are there stacks of papers that you've been meaning to deal with? (rummage through them and find five things each day to deal with and/or throw away)
Are there stacks of magazines that you keep saying you're going to read (you won't so toss em).
And are there broken things that you keep saying you are going to replace? (just throw it away already and go out and find another one. my printer/scanner hasn't worked in years but for some reason it's been living under my bed.. I tossed it out yesterday. I have a big clay pot I keep my kitchen ware in that's been chipped for years.. $20 and I can get one that's not chipped.. cheap at twice the price, and so on).
Like I'm taking care of myself, so you too take care of yourself. Write me privately and let me know how you're doing.
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