It's a kind of a grey gloomy day here in New York, but that's OK. I realized the other day that I was like 8 weeks behind on posting Bingo pics and decided to take the weekend and get caught up. Yeah, it's a nerdy way to spend my weekend (and I so wish I could figure out a way to automate processing the pics - changing the size and resolution and add the watermark) but hey, sometimes that's what's got to happen.
Not only was I super busy in August and early September with events - weddings, Bingo, New Orleans - but as you all know, my mom passed away about a month ago. That hit me hard. Really hard.
Although my mom and I had been distant for some time and thought I'd already mourned the death of that relationship, her actual death has put me on a roller coaster of emotions. I have good days, I have not so good days. Hell, I have good hours, and some not so good hours.
But, with the arrival of mom's obit from the paper and the program from the funeral (sent to me by the mother of a childhood friend) I have had a little more closure. I know that it's not something I want to look at right now, but in the future, I'll be really happy that I have them.
I think the most awesome thing to have come out of this past month is not only the acknowledgement from friends that my siblings are indeed douchenozzles, but there has also been some very affirming notes and cards from people I grew up with, and that has made a huge difference.
Part of the whole thing that happened to me when it was clear I was no longer welcome in my family is that I felt as though everyone that I grew up with felt the same way.
Facebook has, in the past few years, given me some insight that that wasn't true, and my mom's death has further reinforced that there are friends there that have kept me in their heart this whole time. And, for me, that's made a HUGE difference.
I thank you all too - whether you posted nice notes on Facebook, sent notes to me privately or came out specifically to Bingo to give me a hug.. it has absolutely all made a difference in my healing.
Just thought I'd let you all know that I'm doing OK and getting better with each passing day.
Peace.
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